What are your thoughts on Family Constellation Therapy?

Q: Hi Elle, I was wondering what your thoughts were on Family Constellation Therapy? I ended up going to someone with my parents and sibling for it and though I thought it was helping at first, I feel like it made everything worse. I thought it might help us with the spiritual differences between us all, but it really just stressed us all out and seemed to make everything go even further south. I feel really dumb for suggesting it to my family and just feel bad that it ended up as a mess. This kind of feels like a spiritual question since constellation therapy is the hot topic in spirituality right now. Or at least that is how I discovered it.

A: Hi there! Your question is 100% relevant to spirituality, and I am so glad you felt safe asking it. First off, I am so sorry that things did not go as desired and that they created more of a struggle. I hope you and your family find some peace. <3 No single therapy is right for everyone, no matter what it is. My initial question is, did you go to someone with a real psychology/therapy/counseling degree? We have a phenomenon in Sedona where everyone right now is into FCT, but it is being practiced by people with absolutely no psych degree whatsoever… As in, people in Sedona are charging for courses and sessions for FCT and are calling themselves professionals without proper education. It is usually mobilized by the type of person who listens to Jordan Peterson (the incel king) religiously and takes breathwork courses and thinks it makes them a pseudo-psychologist. (And it’s totally okay to be a casual psychology learner. Breathwork courses are also really cool. They just do not constitute professionalism or qualify anyone to provide therapy to others.) This happens a lot, and not just in Sedona, so it is the first thing that comes up on my end. There are a lot of fakers and (to be fair) good people who think they are just trying to help, who are causing re-traumatization without meaning to.

Secondly, FCT has spotty and limited research at best. (1) There is some evidence that it could provide help in terms of reaching “catharsis”, but that is not the end-all criteria for evaluating sound therapy. There is also plenty of evidence that FCT can retraumatize people/families and stunt future growth and progress. Personally, I think it is a great breeding ground for victim-blaming and gaslighting. It does not help that it was created by a psychologist who held extremely homophobic and misogynistic worldviews, among other things. While FCT does not have to include any of these travesties, it comes from a very patriarchal and gender-stereotype-y lineage, which sadly, is often integrated into the practice. It is interesting that a therapy designed to help families with generational trauma has its own sour history as well. In Sedona where we have a full-fledged fundamentalist/misogyny movement going, the toxic sides of this therapy thrive and create tons of extra wounds. What disturbs me the most is that some brands of FCT require victims of extreme abuse to thank the abuser (whether physically present or not) for the experience, which I think is absolutely disgusting. It isn’t an indicator of maturity or healing- it is disrespectful to one’s inner being. Simply put, I am skeptical at best, but do not feel favorable toward the method personally.

The last thing I will mention here is that a lot of these “pseudo therapists” I see floating around are offering one-time sessions or sessions that last for a month (like a package deal where you get 4 sessions for $800 or whatever pricing they choose). FCT is never meant to have an expiration date in terms of continued support. Almost everyone needs continued therapy after FCT to help them process, heal, and address anything it brings up for them. That is why these package deals are so harmful and manipulative. It would be like taking someone into surgery and not stitching them up again… or not giving them antibiotics or checking on the recovery process. This flippant approach to therapy (and especially trauma work) is only serving to hurt and re-injure people. I list all of these concerns so you can rule out whether they were part of your experience or not.

I know that it is a terrible, capitalist system we live in. People who do have good hearts may not have the money or time to invest in a big university degree… Many people do not get to live their dreams due to class oppression and many other intersectional problems. Nevertheless, it is still completely inappropriate for someone to try to self-educate when it comes to trauma work in terms of providing professional support to others. If you want to do it for yourself, then that is your call. I am referring to a real education too. There are isolated courses that train people in FCT all by itself, but it still does not give them the depth, range, or clinical hours of experience needed to see someone through their mental health journey. In short, even though it hurts that you may not be able to live your psychology dreams right away or at all, trauma therapy needs to be left to professionals who can properly care for their clients. Even if some people get lucky and don’t end up being re-traumatized or left hanging, it is still unethical. I would be failing as an advocate if I did not state this clearly. I am stating this section to anyone with a big heart who does not want to create more meaningless trauma in the world. (And P.S. education totally needs to be de-colonized and reconstructed in so many ways. It should also be accessible to everyone, but I’ll save this conversation for later.)

Back to you though: If you did go to a professional, it sounds like FCT just was not right for you. Whether it is a failed modality or not, I would seek out personal therapy if you are able to do so. There are many other types of family therapy if you all feel open to trying them together as well. FCT is just one of those buzzword therapies on the market right now that everyone is talking about. It is far from being the only thing available to work with though! FCT should be PART of a treatment plan if it is going to be implemented at all, not a single approach meant to be used on its own.

And if this answer seems lengthy, it is because I have it pre-prepared in my head. I get this question A LOT, and I have had many people come to me to ask for advice because they felt one of the pseudo-professionals really set them back in their healing process or created more harm (unintentionally). You are not alone in your experience. If you want to talk about options or therapists in your area, you can send me another private message and we can explore opportunities just between us. Sometimes it helps to have someone who can assist you with scouting out the support you need. <3 I am so sorry that your decision to seek help brought up feelings of guilt for you, but I am so proud that you tried to bring healing to your family the best you knew how to. This isn’t the end, and there are many other options out there! Thank you for being so open and asking a great question that many others will relate to.

(1)   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33528854/

Extra information: This article references the dark side of FCT as it unfolds in Brazil, and I think it is a very helpful read when evaluating the therapy as a layperson. Some topics discussed therein may be triggering, so read with care. I think it provides excellent examples of how gaslighting and blaming in FCT can manifest. It has that, “You made me do it because you stepped out of line,” feeling to it.