Do you believe that we create our own reality?

Q: Hi Elle! Do you believe that we create our own reality (LOA)? I recall reading something you said on Tumblr in 2018 (I think) where you said kind of, but not entirely. I just can’t remember everything else you said. Can you cover this again for me? Thank you!

*Note: LoA means Law of Attraction. In some spiritual circles, the LoA means that we attract ALL of our life’s circumstances based on our vibration and the energy we are putting out into the world.

A: Hi lovely! Thank you for sticking with me for so long! I am not sure exactly what I said either, but my answer was probably, “We create reality on certain levels, but not all levels.” I remember criticizing a popular spiritual author at the time for saying that if someone became ill or developed a disease, they didn’t love themselves enough.

My biggest issue with the LoA/creating our own reality is that it is dismissive to trauma and essentially places all responsibility for undesired outcomes on the person who is experiencing them. That is abusive. It lacks nuance, insight, and an understanding of how our world works.

Can we adjust our thinking to orient ourselves toward having a better day sometimes? Can the music we listen to change or elevate our mood (or bring it down)? Yes. Can we choose to get into a car and drive to a location, expecting to arrive at that location for our intended purposes? Yes. The thing about life though is that it throws us curveballs. We might get a flat tire or get into a car accident. Sometimes, no matter how healthy we eat or how much we exercise, our bodies can get sick (Environmental factors aren’t discussed enough when it comes to human health.). In other words, sometimes shit just happens. We may be able to control getting into a car, choosing the foods we eat (if we are lucky), or putting on a particular outfit, but we cannot always control the outcomes of those choices. We can create our reality in the sense that we can learn about our own psychologies and physiologies and make the best decisions that cater to our understandings of those things, but sometimes you can push all the right buttons and make all the best decisions based on what society currently holds to be the “right answers” and things can still go sideways. That’s just life. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is designed to help people change the way they think about their past and present so they can get into a space that feels more aligned with them. (Note: CBT can actually be a setback for people with a lot of trauma and is not useful for everyone. There are trauma-informed versions, but again, those may not be helpful for all people.) On some level, psychologically, we can work with our personal constitutions to bring ourselves into alignment with “a reality” that makes us feel better. Really, it’s just about changing up thoughts and behaviors which can orient us toward different goals. Again, the method or modality to do this may differ for everyone.

In modern spirituality, the LoA rhetoric is out of control. I had a man sitting in front of me recently, and he was talking about how people who are really in tune with their synchronicity should not interfere with other people’s realities. I asked him what he meant, and he said that even though there are a lot of problems in the world, we shouldn’t get involved with them because we are “inviting them in” and keeping them rooted in our own experience of reality. I asked him what he would do if he saw someone being attacked in some way. (“Would you help someone who is being attacked in front of you? Would you at least call for help for them?”) His answer was no because he felt that it would give the negative situation attention and make it a part of his reality. And this is why I have so many problems with “creating one’s own reality.” It has made people into total sociopaths without compassion, proper judgment, and basic human decency. As my friend Bill says: “Hell is a place without compassion.”

This is also why I think so many LoA types are veering into the alt-right path where any discussions about social inequality are eschewed and denigrated. If everything is just a buzzword and any struggle your fellow human is having is just a snare set out by the matrix to trap you in lower dimensions, it is easy to act on your privilege and pretend it is spiritual to ignore problems. We evolve THROUGH things… Not around, above, beyond, or to the side of them. Ultimately, we all must face our personal and collective shadows. The saddest part of modern LoA logic is observed when someone shares their trauma with someone who isn’t a safe person to share that trauma with. (“So you were SAed? What do you think you did to draw that experience in?” It’s basically the what-were-you-wearing of spiritual lingo.)

There is a lot to say here, but I think my main point is that the LoA is like a power tool. In the hands of a being with good discernment and a basic understanding of human life and human psychology, it can be used in practical ways. We can pick music that makes us feel nice. We can find good coping mechanisms for dealing with stress so that our lives can be a bit easier on mental and emotional planes. We might be able to decorate our houses the way we want to. In the hands of a being who has lost all sense of compassion or morals, the LoA is like a power tool they don’t know how to use. It can be devastating to them AND the people around them. The number one question everyone should be asking when using any spiritual modality is: Is this making me a better human in relation to others? If it in any way is telling you that you need to ignore real-world issues, run away. FAR away. Compassion is not always about “letting things unfold” without interference. That is indifference and is completely inexcusable regardless of the motivation behind it. Rebranding compassion as “hands off” when people could really use our help is one of the most ridiculous ideas to ever gain traction in spiritual communities.

There is nothing wrong with you thinking through your lifestyle and patterns if you get sick. There is nothing wrong with you evaluating your personal choices. I am not saying that people are not responsible for certain things that they do or say. Personal self-evaluation and self-honesty are essential to being a healthy human, but when the modality is requiring you to take responsibility for the fact that you were traumatized or abused, it’s a garbage modality. When it wants you to claim responsibility for a random car hitting you or your house keys falling out of your bag and getting lost, it is senseless. No one deserves that gaslighting or hate. This exact issue is why I have never become super involved with the core spiritual groups in Sedona and have created my social sphere in more pleasant spaces (surrounding my interests such as DnD and reading etc.). LoA out of balance and radicalized in spiritual precincts is very cultish because any disagreement (from someone like me) is evidence that the person holding the LoA beliefs needs to go further into those beliefs. It’s an insulating, self-protective echo chamber that is very difficult to deconstruct until the person either gets quality counseling or somehow comes back to their senses. It’s a mess.

Any “spiritual system” that scoffs (even passively) at looking at social issues, real-world problems, or our own histories is not of the light. Shifting realities may very well be a part of the fabric of our universe, but we have not demonstrated this with the level of research or scientific accuracy required to project it onto everyone. For those who may not know, shifting timelines basically means that by pursuing what you love in life, you can literally jump into a new reality with a new past and present. I enjoy looking at the concept of shifting timelines regarding the life “I could have lived” if I had made choices a,b, or c, as opposed to my preferred choice (say, choice d). For me, it’s a fun way to look at how I can be more poignant with my choices! (And not everyone is given as many choices as I am.) You may recall the hype surrounding the Mandela effect (And I would like to point out that the Mandela effect, whether real or not, seemed to operate on a small scale… Like Berenstein Bears being spelled as Berenstain Bears. Not the deletion of cultural histories. Also, our brains can confabulate things, aka make stuff up. This can happen on collective and personal levels.) However, I do not use the “shifting timelines” logic to dismiss histories of oppression or abuse toward ethnic/racial/gender minorities. A good question to ask oneself in regard to shifting timelines is: “Do I have to ignore something for this “timeline” to disappear?” If so, you didn’t shift timelines. You merely acted on your privilege and misused your power. Right now, “shifting timelines” talk is a pseudoscience at best, and I personally advocate for proper remembrance of history, even when it’s ugly. Collective responsibility cannot be taken without collective remembrance. And in the human world, healing cannot be a lasting experience if we are unaware of how easy it is to repeat cycles (and how we started bad cycles in the first place). Maybe in some fluffy, fantastical reality, a mega-spiritually evolved race of beings could overcome the need for historical analysis, but we aren’t there yet, and honestly, we may never be. And that’s okay!

So how do I sum all of this up? Let’s look at signs that your LoA modality IS working for you:

1.    You recognize that privilege is often what we call the LoA. You can recognize where you are actually doing work to create the life you want and where you are simply benefiting from systems that not everyone else will benefit from.

2.    It increases your compassion and your desire to help others physically and otherwise. In other words, it isn’t making you into a total sociopath. If the LoA isn’t making you say, “I want to make other people’s lives easier and better however I can with their consent,” then you’re on the wrong track.

3.    It helps you develop healthy (and realistic) outlooks on the world. It is not about toxic positivity, but about honesty. If a situation is bad, it’s bad. There does not always have to be a silver lining. Sometimes we do not want to repeat patterns and mistakes, and part of being mature is being willing to say, “Yup, don’t want to contribute to that issue again! Here’s how I am going to do better.”

4.    You recognize that trauma victims/survivors are just that. They did not invite bad things in because they were not high-vibe enough. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Illnesses, attacks on someone’s personal safety, or general inconveniences of life just happen sometimes. You know this and instead of gaslighting or undermining a person’s experience, you can hold a space for that person to feel seen or heard. If appropriate you can also do something to make their lives a little better (with their consent). If nothing else, you do not retraumatize them by asking why they experienced what they did.

5.    You do not see yourself as “other” in terms of being better than your fellow humans. You understand regardless of the labels you resonate with (Starseed, lightworker, healer, priestess, etc.), you are human. Narcissism has no foothold in your perception of self. Your memories or supposed experiences do not make you more valuable or make you THE shepherd of humanity. Every single person here has things to learn. Everyone here has a lot of room for growth and personal development. Does the LoA make you arrogant? Do you feel you have something special no one else has? Do you feel like if someone just does [insert fake solution] all their problems will go away, and they will finally be on your level? Do you feel that if someone isn’t making $40k per month (say through something like life coaching), they are saying no to abundance? Do you believe that if someone hasn’t found the life partner they want, it is because they aren’t divine feminine/masculine enough? If so, you are the drama. Time to re-evaluate.

This was such a good question! Thank you for revisiting this with me and giving me the opportunity to clarify my position. =) Also further down in your email, you did ask me how I felt about the Law of One and A Course in Miracles works. I think they both have significant problems, though there are little “truth nuggets” in them. I have seen so many people use the Law of One (Ra) work to justify antisocial traits and behaviors. (And I do mean antisocial, not asocial.) Sometimes, navigating the massive bodies of work that comprise major spiritual modalities can feel like playing hopscotch in a minefield. Discernment is key to our success in the world. For those who would like to learn more about how to step onto that path, you can read my blog post about discernment here.

Bonus Book Recommendation: I recommend reading Neuroinclusive & Trauma Informed Manifestation: Decolonizing and Deconstructing Mainstream Manifestation Methods by R. Renee. It is a fantastic book for anyone who wants to utilize the LoA in ways that will not recycle trauma and that are inclusive for everyone!

Something I did not mention above that is a very important part of this book and the LoA is that ancient traditions which had LoA/Manifestation teachings created them to be of benefit to COMMUNITIES, not individuals all by themselves. You know how modern channels and teachers are all about individuals becoming wealthy or attracting insane resources just for themselves? They are not using the LoA as originally intended. If the LoA does not have community wellness centered at its core, it isn’t be used properly. It doesn’t mean you can’t work with your own psychology or dream about the home or partner you want, but it does mean that we step away from the “every person for themselves” mentality. This is something that abundance coaches, con artists, and even well-meaning people are not understanding very well. This book has so much good info in it! I think every spiritualist should at least check it out. =)